Man receives £1800 from mom, refuses to bend to girlfriend's demand that he save it for a house payment: 'I said no and stated again what it was for'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 22, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

Those in committed relationships always have to have many conversations about money, whether they like it or not. Managing your finances is a crucial part of adulthood, and when you share your life with somebody it follows that this is something that you will share on some level as well. No matter if one person pays for most things or you are dedicated to 50/50, these are discussions that need to be had.

However, most couples have some boundaries when it comes to their money. The majority prefer to have some forms of income that are theirs alone and do not go towards shared expenses. Still, it is usually something that has to be talked about so that there are no unwelcome surprises or future disagreements. Sometimes, financial responsibility can be an underrated quality in a partner and besides that, a little generosity doesn't hurt in maintaining the strength of a relationship.

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    AKRAHP
    via Blake Cheek (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One man found himself in an uncomfortable situation after he and his girlfriend disagreed on how he planned to spend a personal monetary gift from his mom. He wanted to spread the money across savings accounts with some left over to spend, but when his mom revealed the gift in front of her, she wanted him to put all of it in their shared account to save towards a house. He refused, but wondered if he was in the wrong.

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    via Blake Cheek (Unsplash+)
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    AITA for refusing to let my partner decide how I have to spend my gift?

    After this I would be left with around £1300 to save. My girlfriend and I went to my mums house at the weekend and she mentioned the money. At this point I hadn't told my girlfriend so it came as a shock to her. When we got home she asked what I was doing with the money. I told her what I had planned. She mentioned that we were saving for a house within the next 4-5 years so mentioned the money would be good to go towards that.
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
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    I reiterated that I had already told her how it would be spent. I said part of the money saved will go into my savings account specifically for the house but that the majority would go into my general savings account. She said I'm not taking it seriously saving up for a house but I just pointed out that I have been regularly putting away money all year and will continue to do so but this was a gift and I'd like to be able to actually enjoy it.
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
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    She said if I wasn't putting it towards a house then it could pay for our holiday next March. I said no and stated again what it was for. I reminded her that the money is a gift to me yet she thinks she can say exactly how I should be spending it. She just said she was thinking of us but I reminded her that the money is paying for us to go away for the night so it's not like she's getting nothing but she's being quite entitled. She just said she should be involved in the decision but I disagreed
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
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    She just said I wasn't treating her like a partner and that we're supposed to be a couple so she should be considered when I'm spending the money but I just again said she was being entitled and quite selfish. AITA for deciding how to spend the gift I was given?
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
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    Most didn't think his plans were wrong, although they weren't so sure about the stability of the relationship.

    ptheresadactyl This is how I personally feel about monetary gifts. If you are unmarried, and the gift was addressed to one person, it is that persons money to handle. If the gift was intended for or addressed to both partners, decisions should be made together. Gifts made to married couples belong to both partners. My partner was gifted 25k from his grandparents, and I said f about it. It was gifted to him, we're not married. all Your mom gave you a gift and I think it's yours to do with what yo
    via ptheresadactyl
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    scottfaracas My wife received a $70k inheritance. She told me about it, and that it was put in savings. And we've never mentioned it again. Even though we're married, that's her money, we're not hurting for anything. So I don't feel it's my business.
    via scottfaracas
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    Blond Dee1970 NTA if it was a gift just to you. But.... I cannot imagine being with someone for four years and not mentioning receiving a gift of $1800. Your mom obviously believed you had already told your girlfriend about the gift. Your girlfriend was probably caught off guard and embarrassed by the situation. To her you now look shady. You also make no mention of how you split finances, whether you have debts or why your mom randomly gave you $1800. Was the actual intent for both of you? If y
    via BlondDee1970
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    Klutzy-Foot-4575 OP No the intent wasn't for both of us which is why I said my mum gave me a gift. If she had given the gift for both of us I would have stated that
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
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    JLHuston My husband's parents (divorced) often give him very generous financial gifts. Even though we are married, I don't expect him to tell me each time, or consult with me on how it's spent. He usually does mention it, but I don't think he's obligated to. He covers a lot of our expenses as he makes a good salary, and I appreciate that very much. So, if the money is given to him, it's his to decide what to do with it. The same is true when my mom gifts me money occasionally.
    via JLHuston
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    pretty_pregnant_lady NTA I honestly only see entitlement on her part. It's not like you said no to saving for the house and things but I also see control like your gf is trying to control how you spend your money and your gifts when she has no say in it. The only time in my opinion that your partner has a right to discuss how money is spent is when 1) you are living together and 2) you are married but even then it does not include money like gifts and inheritance that is a privilege to be involv
    via pretty_pregnant_lady
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    o00Kat000 It also sounds like OP is being extremely practical and responsible with the money by splitting it into two savings accounts after taking only a small amount of it for themselves. I don't see any reason why the gf should have an input here. She's benefiting as well when he didn't have to do that.
    via oO0Kat0Oo
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    Hoagy72 Your girlfriend has a point, but it is your money. The real point is if you guys can't agree on this simple financial thing, then you will have a lifetime of arguing over money. She's not asking to money away on herself. She's asking to save for a house for the the both of you. If your girlfriend wins the lottery next week for real big money, will you still have the same attitude?
    via Hoagy72
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    breathemusic14 NTA. You were given a gift and you get to use that gift however you want. The fact that you are using some on a night away and putting a little in the house savings shows you already took her into consideration but this wasn't a gift for you both or your mom would have said "here I got you both this gift"
    via breathemusic14
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    silverbirch26 Info: what's the current balance for paying for expenses and savings. And do you treat it as a percentage of what you each make or not
    via silverbirch26
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    Klutzy-Foot-4575 OP We earn similar amounts and split rent and bills 50/50
    via Klutzy-Foot-4575
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    Remote-Passenger7880 I'm just stuck on the fact that you didn't tell your long term partner about it. Yall are prepping to buy a house together but you can't talk about finances?
    via Remote-Passenger7880
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    tuneful_radio NTA You're absolutely correct. This was a gift to you Now depending on how LONG you'd been together, this could change. Considering you don't even have a house together (even if you do live together) she isn't entitled to tell you how to spend that money. It is yours and you're being generous with it.
    via tuneful_radio
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    Outrageous_Shirt_737 NTA - when my in-laws give my husband money they will make it clear whether it's intended for us as a family or for him personally e.g, they'd say "put it towards your next holiday" or "get yourself some new clothes". Sounds like your mum intended it as a gift for you so your girlfriend needs to back off.
    via Outrageous_Shirt_737
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    Penguin Tears 16 YTA for not telling your gf about the money and letting her find out during a conversation with your mum... that won't make her feel like an equal partner... I'm not saying she should have a say in how it is spent... but it's shady to not mention that you just came into some money! You're meant to be a partnership! What else would you hide from her in the future...? But NTA for deciding what you want to do with the money. It's your money... your choice! But personally... I'd wan
    via PenguinTears16
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    Irreverent Therapist NTA for wanting to spend your gift money the way you want. I mean does she share all of her gifts with you (ie non monetary gifts)? However I would highly recommend y'all sit down and talk about finances going forward - especially before buying a house together. It sounds like y'all aren't on the same page at all!
    via IrreverentTherapist
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    LibraryMegan It doesn't really matter who is the a h le here. The point is that the two of you are planning a life together and you disagree about how to handle money. It would be wise to have those discussions before issues arise, otherwise you will spend your whole lives arguing about money.
    via LibraryMegan
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    Dragonchief2182 Info: How are the typical financials in your relationship balanced. Do you both treat eachother to things fairly equally? Has there been a similar situation in the past with the roles reversed where she was the one with money? Or does she tend to have a "your money is our money, and my money is my money" type thing? I think her ideas aren't totally wrong, but at the end of the day it's your money for you.
    via Dragonchief2182

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